19 July 2007

Absence

It has, officially, been an entire month since I last posted. Shame on me.

Here's the thing though. I go to work every day and spend eight hours or so staring at a computer screen. When I go home at night, well, I don't really feel like doing the very same thing.

There are, of course, other factors directly and indirectly responsible for my absence from this blog. The weather has played a large part. When the heat index is in the hundreds and I break a sweat between my car and the front door, well, wool does not rank highly on my agenda. This is not to say I haven't been knitting at all in the last month, because I have, and even a little crocheting, too. In fact I have two active projects and one on the back burner, and there are even two FOs that I haven't posted yet. But I haven't been knitting fiendishly like a woman possessed by her frosty toes; just maybe an hour a day, for the sake of restless fingers more than anything else. The disinterest, if you want to call it that (and, frankly, it would be accurate to do so), is largely attributable to the Florida heat, and also the overall lack of time in my day - damn full-time job, seriously takes away from my "me time." But I feel there is something more sinister at work here...

Because, to be honest, this same disinterest has not just been affecting my knitting, but my general state of being. I have entered a sort of stagnant period, where one day is pretty much the same as the next day, and little changes from week to week. I haven't been working *toward* anything, pursuing any goals. I don't have anything major going on in my life, and my job, while alright, is not really what I'd call stimulating, or even particularly satisfying, in any meaningful way. I'll put it this way: With the knowledge that I'm only going to live in this area for another year before the Navy moves us again, it's fine, and I am not planning to actively seek alternatives. If it were open-ended, that's a different story. My coworkers are for the most part pretty likeable, and I get along well with my boss - but there are massive communication issues and a terrifying turnover rate. There is no challenge, and probably no chance of promotion (since they know how long I'm going to be here, too). I wake up Monday mornings anxious for the weekend, and with every day so predictable, the time flies by.

Among the symptoms of this stagnation has been a withdrawal, not just from this blog, but from a lot of my social outlets. I have lost touch with my knitting group, mostly because my Saturdays are typically overbooked, since I don't get much free time during the week. I have barely been online to keep up with my old friends in other parts of the country, mostly because of the lack of desire to spend all day AND all night on a computer. I have basically stopped reading other knitting blogs, with the same excuse.

I don't mention all of this for pity, or for anyone to get worried about me. It's just a slump. I'm sure it's even common in early adulthood - periods of being either stagnant or overwhelmed before one works out a good balance. Anyway, I've been working on setting myself up for a brand new challenge: getting a Masters in Library Science (online). I'm hoping to start it next spring, which means I'll soon be getting into the application process. I've ordered myself a GRE prep book, and last week I submitted an application to volunteer at one of the libraries a couple weekends a month, to get some hands-on experience before diving headlong into this - and I mentioned in my cover letter to the library that I would be open to accepting a paid position (don't tell my boss!). Now I'm waiting for those things to materialize before proceeding further.

I really believe that once this new project is really in motion, once I break out of this lull, then my interest in other things (like blogging!) will be rekindled. I'm going to try to get at least one, hopfully both of those FO posts up this weekend... but I wouldn't expect any real jump in my postings until the temperature backs down a bit.

Sorry.

3 comments:

Lynn said...

Rock on you, with your MLS self! I'm a librarian, and I sit in front of a computer most of the day, and I can completely relate to your blog-apathy -- that part of the job might not help. But there are all sorts of other things about being a librarian that are awesome. If you have second thoughts or doubts and want some input, let me know.

Bethany said...

Gotcha. I was starting to worry about you. If you want to talk or catch up, but don't want to be online, you can always call me. We never use the phone for some reason. Why is that?

Also, drinking margaritas while taking bubblebaths really helps with my slumps. I highly recommend it.

Ann Ross said...

Cara, don't apologize for being down in a slump any more than you would for being up. "Early adulthood" isn't the only time when balance seems elusive. Find Philip Booth's poem "First Lesson" on the internet (you can even hear Garrison Keillor read it to you at his Writer's Almanac site) and remember, there is (and should be) ebb and flow in life. Besides, there's a hip, new profession in town: library science. Look for an email with a link to a NY Times article that may give you something to look forward to!